"Am I not sensitive, clever, well-mannered, considerate, passionate, charming, as kind as I'm handsome and heir to a throne?"
"You are everything maidens could wish for!"
"Then why no--?"
"Do I know?"
"THE GIRL MUST BE MAD!"
~Agony, Into the Woods
1. Stare at her from across the room. Intensely. Smolderingly. Creepily. It may take her thirty chapters or so, but she'll fall for you. (Note: you have to be pretty good-looking to pull this off. Otherwise you will just come across as sleazy.)
2. Don't bother proposing to her or acting remotely intelligent or anything like that. If she wants you, she'll do it all herself. So will that other girl over there. Oh, and that one. Wow, you're more desirable than I thought. And that one is also apparently interested. And that one too? Yikes. You might need a trusty valet to get you out of this fix.
4. Help her family out of poverty and prison, but pursue some other brainless young thing in the process. When BYT marries a total loser, pine briefly, get trapped in a Ponzi scheme, and land in prison yourself. Eventually she'll come back and bail you out. Protest, as a gentleman would do, but leave enough time for your business partner to pull a deus ex machina and get you back on your feet.
5. Befriend her at a party, hang out with her and her sisters, and basically get adopted into their family. (This works best if you live, like, next door.) Propose to her once you're old enough for that sort of them. Get turned down, because the two of you really wouldn't work too well together as husband and wife. Be crushed for a while. Sow your wild oats, grow a mustache, do your thing. Rediscover her little sister (this, basically) and realize she's been the one all along. She'll tell you to get rid of the mustache. Do it.
|(I'm a terrible person, btw.)|
7. So yeah, scratch that. If you really want this girl, make sure you're a wealthy, handsome, charismatic, playful, gallant, adorable viscount with a really good singing voice who looks good in a tux. You can be a little bossy and controlling if you want. No, seriously, girls like that! Duh! Be prepared to deal with nooses and all that, though. You might have some competition going on in the basement.
9. Treat her like a little sister for years and years, then fall head over heels for a self-centered schemer. Realize your mistake at last when said selfish schemer's scurrilous brother runs off with your (already married) sister. Dump said selfish schemer, realize heroine's worth over the course of half a paragraph, and then-- wait, what? Dude! She's your cousin! Gross! Stop it!
11. You know what, forget it! Scorn all women! Who needs them, right? Your only girlfriend is Patria, and for the ignorant, that means France, not some chick. Women are a distraction from the cause. Hearts and roses have no right to be red, because red stands only for revolution. Love is a waste of time. One purpose and one cause is all you'll ever need. Soulmates? Bah. ...Be forewarned, you might not survive the movie... just so ya know.
12. But yeah, like I said in the last one, if the right one's out there, then she's out there and you two will meet eventually. Don't sweat it. And don't start hunting out women who look like qualified wife material just because you feel you should get married. That's not looking for love, that's fulfilling a shopping list.
Seriously, though, wish you all the best and all that. Oh, and make sure you know how to dance. And ride a horse. Period drama ladies seem to like that.