How to Catch a Man, Period Drama Style

"But if you DID want to catch a man how would you go about it? I want to know," persisted Davy, for whom the subject evidently possessed a certain fascination.

"You'd better ask Mrs. Boulter," said Anne thoughtlessly. "I think it's likely she knows more about the process than I do."

"I will, the next time I see her," said Davy gravely.

"Davy! If you do!" cried Anne, realizing her mistake.

"But you just told me to," protested Davy, aggrieved.

"It's time you went to bed," decreed Anne, by way of getting out of the scrape.

~Anne of the Island

On this day of love (love!) and romance (romance!) and denial (augh! denial!), I wish to extend a hand of sympathy to all my fellow single sisters, struggling through life without a significant other by their side.  You brave souls, you beacons of cold clear light in a sea of sentimental slop, you courageous warriors against all odds in this dark time that comes around every February... I salute you across the bonds of our fraternal (sisternal?) aloneness.  May this pitiable, tragic state last as briefly as possible, and may we all find our other halves soon so our lives can finally begin.

In the meantime, I thought it would be helpful to compose a little handy-dandy helpful guide to getting a guy as quickly as possible.  It hasn't worked for me yet, but maybe someone else can be helped.  If just one girl can be redeemed from a life of singledom by these invaluable tips and tricks, then my blogging shall not be in vaaaaaaaaain.

{All images via Pinterest, except #3, which I made.} 

1.  Have fine eyes.  This one has been proven time and time again, but seriously, all you have to do is blink at the guy across the room, and if he's The One, he will go head over heels for the Windows to your Soul and all that rot.  Just go with it.

2.  Let him fall in love with your stepsister first.  Be patient.  Eventually he'll realize she's shallower than a kiddie pool and realize it was actually you he wanted all along.  (If he rides seven miles to bring you a wasp's nest, it's a deal-clincher.  Nobody does that for no reason.)  When this fact hits him over the head with all the subtlety of a two-by-four, accept his proposal graciously... but if you want to let him wallow and grovel and call himself an idiot for a little while, nobody will blame you.

3.  Stare at him from across a crowded marketplace.  Be sure you're wearing a bonnet larger than the cumulative mass of his entire wardrobe, so as to get his attention.

4.  Be rude to him time and time again over the years, repeatedly refuse his proposals, and call him names.  He'll stick by you anyway.  We're not sure why... maybe it's because smooching you is at least better than kissing his dog.  (I'm sorry, that was probably crude.  Hey, I didn't say 'filthy', did I now?)

5. Have a stupid younger brother who gets himself into trouble that Cute Guy will have to get him out of, thereby meeting you and falling hard.

6. Insult his business and the way he treats his workers.  Then shake his hand.  Don't forget to look beautiful.  He won't know what hit him.

7. Tease him, pester him, and annoy him incessantly, but follow up with bearing his scolding and lecturing as no other woman in England would have done.

8. Rescue him from drowning when you were both children.  When he inevitably runs into you ten years later, he will of course be completely smitten.  Either the attraction of your amazingly well-developed personality stayed with him for all those years, or else he doesn't get out much and you're one of two women he knows who aren't his sisters.  Pick your preference.

9. Fall deathly ill.  Let him play courier and fetch your mommy so you'll feel better.  Thank him and let him read you poetry.  Boom, wedding.

10. Get annoyed over a childhood teasing episode, hold it against him for a while, then finally mellow and be friends with the guy, but don't let it go any farther than that.  (Continue to hold out for your tall, dark and handsome ideal.)  Finally, when said guy contracts typhoid fever, come to grips with your own idiocy and realize there's never been anyone else for you.  (Let the audience cry their happy tears.) Oh, and look, he's tall, dark and handsome after all.  Yoop.

11.  If all else fails, flirt like crazy, steal the chap’s sword and let him chase after you for it, dance with him even when no one else is doing so, and generally make yourself annoyingly irresistible.  Please note, this procedure may result in running away to Gretna Green and then getting shepherded back to London for an honorable marriage by your sweetheart’s stick-in-the-mud childhood friend who’s actually in love with your big sister. What a drag.

(This particular one was made by my best friend)

12.  Seriously though... if The One is out there, he'll find you and you'll find him, and the best way for the two of you to fall in love with each other is just to be yourselves.  Do you really want someone to fall in love with you because you were cute and attractive and always said the right thing at the right time?  Or do you want someone to fall in love with you because you're you, and that's all he needs?  So forget the tips and tricks, just be you (there's no one alive who's you-er than you, after all) and go live happily ever after.

...And if he's not out there?  Then he's not, big whoop.  Romantical love is a beautiful thing, but it's not the be-all, end-all of life.  I mean, have you had dark chocolate?

“Each age has deemed the new-born year the fittest time for festal cheer.”

Well, would you look at that... the year's practically over.  Which means it's time for me to write a post commemorating the past year, and since I'm way too pretentious to just call this post "New Year's Tag," I had to quote Sir Walter Scott in the title line.  Because that's what I DO.

Um, anyway, let's get to it.

What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?

Flew on a plane all by myself without any grown-ups or anything, got my driver's license, had my ears pierced and acted in a real professional play.  In that order.


Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make one this year?

I usually make resolutions at my birthday, not New Year's.  It's a new year for me in March. :D

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nope. Sadly.  I feel the lack of small cute babies to hold... but I'm starting a second nannying job next week in which I will be taking care of a sweet three-month-old girl, so I'm quite excited about that!!


Did anyone close to you die?

Also nope, praise the Lord!


What countries/states did you visit?

Missouri was the big one this year. ;)

What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?

Ummmmm... stronger faith.  And a published book, maybe?


What date from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory?

Several of those! October 4th, the day my best friend showed up in my kitchen and practically gave me a heart attack, was a biggie. ;)


Did you move anywhere?

I did not! And coming from a girl who has moved six times, that's a nice thing.  We've been in one house for over four years now and I don't intend to leave anytime soon.

What was the best month?

Probably October.  ;)


What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting my license at long last! And successfully parallel parking a 12-passenger van to do so.  (It took two tries, but hush.)


What was your biggest failure?

Not growing in character as much as I would like to have... but I prefer to look at that as Room For Improvement rather than failure.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

Had a nasty throat infection in January that lasted nearly a month.  Not fun at all.  ("My sore throats are always worse than anyone else's." :P)  But no injuries, thankfully!


What was the best thing you bought?

Airline tickets. :D  And this is going to sound dumb, but a white wooden bedside table with a cute shelf and drawer for my bedroom... it's the first piece of furniture I ever chose, paid for and took home all by myself.  Heehee.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My darling friend Ally got herself the lead role in a musical this fall!  I was very proud. :D


Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Um.  Eh, heh.  This is a public blog so I think I'll skip that one.  Suffice it to say, several people's.

Where did most of your money go?

Gas.  :P  Yay driving!  (Wish I was driving one of the cars in that picture, though... I have a weakness for 50's Cadillacs, preferably the pink and Tiffany blue kind.) And US Airways, haha.


What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Having Melody come for a visit, going to Ally's, and getting a new car!  Well, new in the new-to-us sense... it's a 1994 Toyota Camry which was no longer needed by some very dear friends of ours, and so now it sits in our driveway and saves me from having to drive the van.  WIN.

What was the best concert you’ve been to this year?

I didn't go to many concerts this year (unless recitals count) but I did get to see three different musicals live-- Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables and Cinderella!  If I had to pick a favorite it would probably be Les Mis, simply because of the great affection and attachment I have to the story.  Plus, I went to see it with my sister and four of our friends, and we had a blast experiencing our all-time favorite musical. :D


What song/album will always remind you of 2014?

"Let It Go," because people won't. :P

Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. happier or sadder?  Ummmmm. About the same?
2. thinner or fatter?  Again, the same. Haha.
3. richer or poorer?  Somewhat richer because I've saved a little more, but not much. :P


What do you wish you’d done more of?

Reading.  I'd planned to read 50 books in 2014, a number I didn't think was unreasonable, but I only ended up finishing 35.  Heh.  I want to do better in 2015.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Wasting time on the Internet and worrying. :P


What was your greatest musical discovery?

Collabro!  Seriously, go listen.

How did you spend Christmas?

With my family.  We kids did our traditional sleepover-in-the-younger-girls'-room, listened to Adventures in Odyssey upon awakening, opened presents in the living room, had a fabulous breakfast and then spent the rest of the day at my maternal grandmother's with my mom's side of the family... it was a lovely quiet celebration.


How are you spending New Year’s?

We went to my aunt's house today to hang out with extended family and eat ham and macaroni and cheese, and tonight we're going to observe tradition again and stay up till midnight watching Anne of Green Gables with lots of unhealthy snacks. :D

Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

Melody. Surprise, surprise. :D


What was the best book you read?

Hard call.  Maybe Christy by Catherine Marshall?  Technically this was a re-read, but it had been several years since I picked it up and I appreciated it SO much more this second time around.  The Fault in Our Stars was also pretty amazing, though I had some issues with some of the content so I can't recommend it unreservedly.

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Did you fall in love in 2014?

Fictional characters count, right?


What was your favorite TV show?

...Take a wild guess.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

*didactic voice* Hate is a very strong word.
I do dislike a few people that I didn't this time last year, tbh.  But let's try and dwell on the positive, shall we?  Happy thoughts, Wanda!


What did you want and get?

My driver's license! (yes, I know I keep harping on this one, but SERIOUSLY do you know how COOL it is to DRIVE MYSELF PLACES WITHOUT AN ADULT IN THE FRONT SEAT??)

(basically me)

What did you want and not get?

A cat, haha.  (I'm not planning to get a cat.  But I was reminded many times this year of how much I like cats and how much I want one someday.)


What were your favorite films of this year?

If we're taking this to mean favorite films that came out this year, the only one I've actually seen is Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb.  As for films I saw for the first time this year, David Copperfield (okay, it's a miniseries-- hush), Newsies, Frozen,  and of course Saving Mr. Banks.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

Vintage-inspired librarian chic, with not-infrequent interjections of Whatever's Handy.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 19 on March 16th, and spent the weekend celebrating in various quiet ways-- cake and presents with my family and seeing a local production of Pride and Prejudice with my sister and a dear friend!

What kept you sane?

Melody. Haha.  She puts up with a lot, pooooooooooor deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeear.


What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Shrinking the USA so I could live closer to some of my dear, faraway friends.  ;)

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Ummmm... probably Benedict Cumberbatch.  Heehee.


What political issue stirred you the most?

Heh... I try to stay out of politics on my blog.  Most of the time.  I will say that I experienced a lot of confusion and battling opinions over the Ferguson trial, but farther than that I will not go, so as to keep the comment box civil.  Heh.


Who did you miss?

Duh?  And, um?  Also, obviously?

Who was the best new person you met?

I actually didn't meet very many new people in 2014... although I have had the opportunity to interact with quite a few new blog followers and commentators, all of whom I am very grateful to have "met"!  (Wow. Weird phrasing there.)


Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good."


Five things I want to do in 2015:

~Go see Melody
~Publish a book
~See Masked air on YouTube :D
~Start my new nannying job!
~Read more books than I did in 2014, haha


Five people I’d like to know better in 2015:

All of you!

*random pretty picture of tea to close this post*

How was your 2014?

The Time Has Come Once Again...

I totally am, you know.  Even though I don't like birds (but I do like french fries).  Why?  Well, Hobart has asked a good question.  Because... because MY BEST FRIEND IS HERE, AGAIN BESIDE ME.  Now I can die in-- wait a minute.

Yes, Cosette, yes, it's true-- Melody is with me once more.  Giving helpful suggestions as I write, in point of fact.  And we're smiling.  Because we're together and that makes us happier than birds with french fries.

Melody actually arrived a week ago but we've been so busy doing swellissimusnesses together that we simply haven't had time to write a blog post.  You may write blog posts, of course.  You will have nothing better to do.  We, on the other hand, are too fabulous to be tied down to blogging if our social schedules do not permit.  After all...

Um, anyways.  We've been having a great time.  Obviously.  Our reunion in the airport was everything we could have wished.

*it's

It hasn't really been forever-- it's been eight months, but where best friends are concerned it's kind of the same thing.

We are totes crazy and super perf adorbs when we get together.  The world has difficulty handling this level of awesomeness, which is why we can't do it more often.  The many miles that separate our respective homes also factor into the equation.  Somewhat.

However, it is a mark of lazy blogging to merely fill one's post with Pinterest pictures, so perhaps I should tell you what we've been up to: mostly late night chats and lots of tea and period dramas and giggling.  Because giggling is what we do best.  Certain fictional characters bear a rather large brunt of our humor.  (James Dowland, we scowl and point our fists at you.)

For realsies, though, I am so very thankful to have Melody as a friend-- the joy and delight she's brought into my life cannot be matched by anything else in the world, and our kindred-spirit-ness surpasses anyone else's in the history of ever.  (No, seriously, it does.  Anne and Diana ain't got nothin' on us.)

Hope this post brought a little smile to your face today!