Saturday, February 8, 2014

Another Handy-Dandy Helpful Hair Guide, From the Gentlemen of Period Drama


In light of the success of last week's post from the ladies of period drama, we bring you the sequel, live from the man cave.

(Please note that as subject material is a bit scarcer when it comes to gentlemen's hair, being that there generally isn't as much of it, we have expanded the repertoire of advice to include facial hair as well.)



1. If you're a farmer and really super busy at harvest season, we'll cut you some slack, but seriously, Ramen noodles don't look good on anyone.



2. Those who are in the habit of wearing their hair slightly longer and parted on the side (which is, we might add, not at all unattractive) should not attempt a romantic proposal after slicking their hair down with some weird kind of gel.  Whether they get the girl is not necessarily correlated to this attention to appearance, but they will run the risk of being gently ridiculed and their mode of walking compared to that of a gander when they are being observed by a pair of snarky, sentimental teenage girls.



3. Do the powdered wig thing if you must, but you'll always look better if you let it go natural (while dressed in farmer's clothing) and end up getting shot in the process.  (Warning: this method is prone to attract much screaming from a certain group of people calling themselves Leaguettes.)



4. Curlytops should hang out with other curlytops.


We don't know why, but it's been practically scientifically proven that they always do.



5. Never underestimate the power of a good hat.  And if you're nice enough, you can even pull off an ugly one.



6. If you're going to start making rules about how people are not allowed to be taller than you, you might want to consider actually growing something on top of your head, as this will at least add to the illusion of height.



7. Trying to look older in an attempt to woo your ex-girlfriend's little sister will not be helped by growing a wispy little mustache/goatee thingy.  She will, in all likelihood, demand you shave it off, like the sensible woman she is.  To prevent this from happening, just don't grow it in the first place.  It looks ridiculous.  I don't care if you're Batman.



8.  If your name is Marius, your hair must be amazing at all times. (please note that your voice has to be incredible too and all the curls and swoosh in the world won't make up for a lack in that department.)  This is the unwritten code of the Marii, and don't get me started on the Enjolrai.



9. Well-trimmed, clean hair of a decent length is always an agreeable thing, and you may well win the heart of the hoity-toity postmistress's assistant if you wear yours in such a manner.


However, if you turn up later on with long, greasy locks and a generally unkempt appearance (not to mention a little matter of, y'know, skipping town earlier in the series UM HELLO) you might not be met again with such favor.



10.  Seriously, do consider washing it once in a while.



11.  What we said about mustaches earlier?  Notorious cause for divorces, so I hear.



12.  In case you're not taking this seriously, gentlemen, a lady really does notice your hair.  First impressions, so say Jane Austen and Peter Pan, are awfully important, and if you look creepy and stringy when first seen...  well, the viewers won't be as likely to dub you their favorite character.

  Just saying.

32 comments:

Ella said...

Another hilarious post!!!
Why do men in period dramas look as if they haven't washed they hair in weeks? Mayabe that's why their first proposals of marriage usually get rejected:)

Alexander said...

An amazing Marius?.....Sorry I think you forgot to put the picture you were referring to in the post. :P

Natalie said...

Oh my goodness, this is GENIUS!!!! Yes to all of them!! Especially the ones about Laurie and Fisher....ugh.

Melody said...

EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

Heeheeheehee.

Ooohhoohooo.

Ahem. #2 kind of made me have a very ridiculous reaction. I was sitting here doing this laugh/screech/giggle and slapping the counter and waving my hands about for like five minutes. :P

I'mma have to show that to my brother. Hehehehehe.

Anyway. This whole thing is quite brilliant. And TKAI one... THAT'S SO TRUE. Haha.
Enjolrai doesn't make as much sense as Marii. Sowwee. :P So, do you consider ER's hair to be amazing?

AND THANK YOU THANK YOU for #9. :D

Jessica Greyson said...

BRILLIANT BRILLIANT BRILLIANT!!!!! Yes, no man with common sense should have facial hair. LOVE THIS POST!!!!!! :D

Erica said...

Fun post! I agree about Laurie's facial hair! Ugg!

Are you planning to continue your Emma homeschool edition series? I've been missing it the last few weeks.

-Erica

Miss Dashwood said...

Ella,
It does seem that a lot of the less savory characters in period dramas have greasy-looking hair... I wouldn't say as much for the heroes though. Mr. Darcy, for instance, got rejected the first time but his hair always looks great. (In the Real Version, that is. Heehee.) Of course people didn't bathe as frequently back then as they do now so maybe they were trying to be authentic?

Alex,
I came THIS CLOSE to putting Michael Ball's picture up there... but that's the concert, not the movie, and I was trying to stick to period dramas. Plusssss I'm not really sold on his hair. Best Marius and all, don't get me wrong, but the hair's just a little too long and wild sometimes for my taste.
...You were referring to Michael Ball, right? Because if you meant Nick Jonas, all I can say is get off my blog.

Natalie,
Heehee, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! And I'm not the only one annoyed by Laurie's stupid goatee. Griefies.

Melody,
Somehow I thought certain portions of this post would strike a chord with youuuuuuu. :D And #2 was written with you in mind, oh Other Snarky Sentimental One. Heehee.
Wait, was it your brother who came up with the gander thing? o.O I thought you did.
Well, *I* didn't make up the Enjolrai thing... it was already in existence when I joined the fandom. I think I may have patented Marii though... unless someone else uses it without my knowledge. Heehee.
For a minute I was quite stumped as to who you meant by ER because ER in the Les Mis fandom means... somepingyelse... so it took me a little while to realize you proberly meant Eddie Redmayne. Heehee. It's grown on me, honestly... I like to make fun of it but it's really not half bad. I could do without some of the gel spikes though. :P I could do without gel spikes in general. COUGH COUGH SNARKY KNIGHTLEY COUGH.
And I am pleased that you appreciated #9. *sits back and waits for Petie's reaction*

Jessica,
Can you imagine how horrid it would be if someone came out with a portrayal of a bearded Mr. Darcy someday??? OH THE HORROR. Heroes and facial hair do not mix.

Erica,
Ugh indeed!
Thanks for asking about the Emma series... I'm on a little break from that at the moment, as I was getting kind of stuck and uninspired, and I wanted to devote some time to blogging about other things. I may pick it up again sometime soon, however! Glad you were enjoying it!

Alexander said...

I was referring to his voice not his hair. :) and no I AM NOT talking about Nick Jonas. :)

I don't think Michael Ball's hair is very good but anyone's hair is better then Eddie Redmayne's (I think that is his name). :)

Ginger said...

AMEN to number 2. However, you must cut Gil some slick - sorry, I mean slack - seeing as Anne's hair was *ahem* interesting in the last part of A-of-A.

Clara Dawn said...

Ugh, I MUST agree about Fisher's hair when he came back. He not only fell out of Laura's favor, but mine too (:

Melody said...

Heehee, I didn't know who else you'd have in mind with #2. ;P I'm not sure who came up with it... he and I just used to make that joke when we watch it. (Wait, what is this "used to"?) And then I mentioned it and you'd been thinking the same thing. About him looking like one of the geese, that is. ;D
OOOOHHHH. Ha, sorry. I think I might have figured out what sompingyelse you're talking about. *cough* The truth is, I didn't feel like trying to remember how Redmayne was spelled and didn't want to bother looking it up. ;P
HA when you said the thing about gel spikes I was thinking of Snarky Knightley toooo. Eehee.
And I'm also curious about Petie's reaction to #9. >:D

Miss Dashwood said...

Alex,
Oh, in the voice department Michael Ball wins, no question. And exactly what is wrong with Eddie Redmayne's hair?? (No, don't answer that... didn't we have this conversation before...)

Ginger,
Okay, I laughed out loud at the "cut Gil some slick." Heeheheehee. And you're right, it was only tit for tat... Anne's hair was pretty weird later in the movie too.

Clara,
Mine too! *waves hand wildly* Perhaps we should form the Fisher Bloom Annoys Us club. Heehee.

Livia Rachelle said...

1. Ramen noodles, enough said.
2. Yes, he squashed his glorious waves, it did tend to emphasize him look palid, woeful recovering look. . . which may have helped in the proposal department.
3. Oh, Percy
4&5 I love the word curlytops.
6. Dear me, the snark.
7. Oh, how I wish this mustache and goatee had hindered his suit to other peoples leavings from other peoples leavings (sorry Miss Shirley for my unrefined words), so he could go back to his DESTINED SOUL MATE.
8. The Marii, the end.
11. I read this bit (I have yet to finish an entire book; I have not been totally won over yet although the adjective/verbs such as Jeeves shimmered in charmed me mightily). I totally agree with Jeeves. I have always hate mustaches alone (except on those who have had them since I was born) because I am convinced that they make men look like cold-blooded, souless, charmless rakes.
12. Do wash. And smile less like the Joker.

Emma Jane said...

Yay! I was so excited when I saw this! I loved your post last week and I'm so glad you decided to do one about gentlemen. :-)

I am a teensy-weensy bit disappointed that you did not include anything about Mr. Pecksniff's hair in Martin Chuzzlewit, but I certainly will not hold that against you. :-P

Wait a minute...IS THAT MR. COXE IN #1? IS IT?

Yeah, I always wondered why Gilbert had to slick his hair back for that scene. It looks so much better when he doesn't. Hehee, my sisters and I sometimes joke that he waddles like a duck in that scene. :-P

#3-- my thoughts exactly. Powdered wigs are nice and all, but it's usually always better to go natural. Yes, yes.

Ugh, I can't STAND Laurie's goatee! It only succeeds in making me dislike him more.

Um. Excuse me. I like mustaches. :-P

I LOVE MR. GUPPY! I don't care if his hair is stringy. He's adorable. :-P

I enjoyed this immensely! I laughed so hard I'm not sure it wasn't good for my heart! :-)

~Emma

Miss Dashwood said...

Melody,
Heehee, I missed you by like a hair... yes, I know I already said that but I'm repeating it for the benefit of those who may read this comment and think I was neglecting you earlier.
The "what is this used to" MMG. BAHAHAHAHAHA about Redmayne... yeah, Anne-girl and I have made a lot of jokes about his hair color and his name. :D Oooooh, you were thinking of Snarky Knightley tooooooo... I knew we were Tweens. :D

Livia Rachelle,
I am afraid we will have to disagree about Laurie's destined soul mate... he and Jo were NOT properly suited. I'm not convinced he and Amy were really that great together, honestly, but he and Jo never would have been happy. Plus, if they'd gotten married, what would have become of poor Professor Bhaer?! I have a post in draft on this subject... I should dig it out sometime.
Jeeves is a marvel and a magnificence. No one shimmers as he does.

Emma Jane,
Sad to relate, I have not yet seen Martin Chuzzlewit (though I enjoyed the book) but I hope to remedy this very soon! That is indeed Mr. Coxe (Richard Coyle) in #1-- the picture is from Lorna Doone and he plays the hero in that movie. I'd highly recommend it.
Well, I do not hold it against you for liking mustaches, heeheehee. But I WILL point out that they are a notorious cause for-- shutting up.
So glad you enjoyed this! :D

Kiri Liz said...

Oh, this is almost better than the ladies' guide!! No, I must read through it a third time to ascertain it...

Bahahaha!!! Ramen noodles is right!! Actually, Amy, I was expecting to see some Mr. Frank Churchill popping up somewhere on this list with his Arby's curly fries, but poor John Reid might have outbid him. :)

#4 is a truth universally acknowledged. And that's all that can be said.

#6... er, or perhaps a more decent shoe would help. Those sandals aren't a lady's one weakness, I can promise you that!

Amen to #7. Excellently put, Mr. Snodgrass.

"Hoity-toity postmistress's assistant"... dare I assume you are referring to Lark Rise to Candleford?? My family just finished the first season tonight, AND NOW WE NEED TO SEE THE SECOND! But, that's the same fellow? Ugh... what happened to his comb?

#10... NAILED IT.

I'm afraid to say, Mr. Guppy, that our dear Amy is indeed correct. Your Angel chose someone with a much more agreeable haircut. And he didn't have to go all the way to London to get it, either. ;)

Alexandra said...

ERMAHGERSH. I have been saaaadly neglecting my blogroll thanks to a Certain Event Coming Up. Anyway.

DIED LAUGHING!!!! Oh my gosh!!! And agree all 'round. :D

Naomi said...

GASP (*catches breath*)
This was so funny!

Although would have added one thing more though... men should never have long hair!!!!
(If you have seen the Secret Garden with Kate Maberly (which is by the way, Kitty's Bennet's sister), you will I know what I mean... Mr Craven's hair is awful.)

Long hair is only for ladies!

But this was a suuuuuuper post!!!!!
LOVE!

Rhoswen Faerie Wrose said...

Too right! :-D Especially that last bit... *shudders*

Elizabeth said...

LOL LOL I agree with every one of these!

Miss Dashwood said...

Kiri Liz,
OOOOOH, Frank Churchill from Miramax Emma! How could I have forgotten him??? *headdesk* Oh, well, perhaps I'll do Part Two another time and include him. Heehee.
Well, the sandals are part of his traditional formal garb, so that's not what I was addressing here-- I mean, I realize Yul Brynner was bald but there IS such a thing as a wig, and the real King Mongkut DID have hair. Soooo... yeah.
I am indeed referring to LRTC, and you will love the second season. It's swellissimus. The third is my favorite, I believe, but the second is great too. It is indeed the same fellow! Ugh, right?
Haha, yes, Mr. Woodcourt's haircut is infinitely more agreeable.

Ally,
Certain Event? What Certain Event? I know of no Certain Event, do you, Pickering?

Naomi,
Ooooh, yes, Mr. Craven! Good example! His hair drove me nuts... ick. He wears it in a very similar fashion (the actor, that is, not the character) in Bleak House as Mr. Nemo... have you seen that?

Rhoswen Faerie Wrose,
Haha, indeed... shudder is an excellent word for Mr. Guppy.

Elizabeth,
How gratifying! So do I, for that matter. :D

BatZion Francesca said...

SHEER BRILLIANCE.

Ella said...

Miss Dashwood thank you for replying to my comment:)

Your right,Gentlemen didn't bathe as much back then, I guess. Also they put oil in their hair, I think.

I hope you have a great day in the Lord!

Maribeth B said...

I was already laughing at Gilbert's slicked-back hair and the section about the Curlytops, but when I got to Laurie I lost it. Mainly because I'm watching Batman for the first time and I keep thinking of Laurie no matter how much I try to push him out of my mind! And I HATE Laurie's goatee! Ugh. Nasty little thing.

Anyway, this was genius, just like the last one. Bravo, Miss Dashwood! ;)

inklingspress said...

Hahahaha..... So funny!!!!

I'm going to have my brother read this. : )

-moi-

Kristalyn Huber said...

Ok...This is hilarious! I couldn't agree more :)

Naomi said...

Miss Dashwood, no I haven't seen Bleak House- but it is on my "to see list" (even if there IS a man with long hair) :P

Emma Jane said...

Miss Dashwood,
I have had an idea: would you mind if I were to do a post rather similar to this, about fashion in period dramas?

Martin Chuzzlewit is VERY good! I personally think it may be Dickens' funniest story. Mr. Pecksniff is absolutely hysterical, and Mr. Pinch is one of the sweetest, nicest, gentlest characters ever!

~Emma

P.S. You can drop the Jane and just call me Emma if you like. :-) Do you mind if I call you Amy?

Elisabeth Grace Foley said...

Now let me get one thing straight. Am I to understand that you like the Enjolras-wig, or not? (*in Augustus Moddle's voice*) I don't.

(And yes, you must watch Martin Chuzzlewit, incidentally so you'll know what Augustus Moddle sounds like.)

Alicia Showalter said...

First of all: HAHAHAHA
this was absolutely perfect!!

ohh Ramen noodles... hmm not sure how to take that since it was once told to me that my hair looked like dear Jon's.. haha Just kidding! ;P

EWW I know! Mustaches NEVER belong on a hero (if they can prevent it) haha

MR. GUPPY!! I always feel bad for him, but yea CREEPY.. His hair certainly needs like a bottle of shampoo AT LEAST.

Poor Gil - he should have just stuck with the normal do - the slicked back look is laughable. Seriously.

Oh and I am glad I am not the only one that thought that Laurie looked creepy when he came back for Amy. I mean his mustache is *gag* quite ...interesting..

Well done!

Elizabethany said...

I Lydia-snorted.:-)

Miss Elliot said...

"Curlyheads should hang out with other curlyheads.
And they usually do."
Miss Dashwood, I mean Margaret, if you cannot find something serious to say, please restrict your remarks to the weather. Otherwise, your faithful blog readers will not live to the end of the page because they are laughing so hard.
Just kidding.
But really, Miss D., I LOVE your blog. This is my favorite post yet.
Also, we think that Matthew Macfayden's hair in P&P '05 is positively greasy!!!
P.S. A note to young men now-a-days: Unless you wear Mr. Darcy/Sir Percy/Marius Pontmercy clothes, then you cannot have the hair thereof. It is a resticted right.
Just kidding...kind of.